Mustaches

Barber trimming a client's mustache — Photo: Shutterstock

Mustaches are always in style and they do have some benefits. In fact, I have a strong suspicion that Adam in the Garden of Eden probably grew one. If he didn’t, how would he have shaved it off? My mind whirls with imagination at the prospect of him having the painstaking task of sharpening a thin stone into a razor's edge and traipsing down the hill and to the lake to see his reflection. Then carefully shaving away his facial hair. We'll just never know for sure about Adam. One thing we do know, he sure didn't have a Norelco.

The common vernacular terms for the word mustache are: 'stache, 'tache, 'tash, pushbroom, and 'mo. Believe it or not, it was once believed to aid in sexual activity.

If there were a real Tarzan of the jungle, I bet he would have had a huge bush of a mustache that probably ran into his sideburns and beard with long flowing hair down his back. For some reason, I cannot picture Tarzan looking clean-shaven and swinging from a strong rope of twine from tree to tree, except it be Hollywood of course. The two just don't seem to mix, yet when we look at the old Tarzan movies we see every Tarzan clean-shaven. It is no secret that behind every man, with or without a mustache, is a woman. With Tarzan, it had to be Jane and her negative attitude towards facial hair. Hollywood's jungle has never been the same since.

Gentlemen who want to get away from their baby-faced look discover new beginnings when they grow a mustache. Their face transforms into a strength otherwise not had. A confidence is gained along with many new rewards bringing challenging opportunities just from growing the "stache."

Historically speaking in the US, military men were required to grow a mustache. The lower-ranked men were expected to grow a small mustache. When these men advanced in rank, so did the growth of their mustaches, becoming thicker and bushier as well. No wonder the old pictures of such men in power, such as General Sherman and General Grant, had such large mustaches.

General Sherman - Photo: Smithsonian Institution Archives

Round faces benefit from growing a mustache, as it cuts the face from being quite so round. Remember the cartoon character "Yosemite Sam"? He was the little redheaded irate pirate with the big temper and the huge handlebar mustache about the size of his hat. Think of him when I say; the bigger the better mustache grown, will bring a new dimension into the features of a round face. Sideburns would also help, as they grow down taking some of the roundness away. It's almost like shading on a canvas.

There's just something impressive about a man when he grows a mustache. They seem to develop a mystique from within and a new authority they previously didn't have. When the mustache is thin, sometimes this depicts more of a meticulous nature, as he has to take the time to trim it to his exact desired measurement. Character-building thin mustaches look better on smaller faces. There's a distinct look of professionalism in this type of mustache as I picture this man carrying his briefcase walking to work; almost an executive appeal.

Bushy mustaches can be attractive with a bushy beard only if they are controlled and trimmed to stay in line. Here's a tip for all you mustached men. It is a bit offensive to a woman to sit across the table with her date, as he begins to hoard food unbeknownst to him in his bushy mustache. Or if she sees splashes of spaghetti sauce discoloring his beard and notices droplets of wine taking up temporary residence on the mustache and beard. If this sounds like you, there are special cups you can buy with a partial lid to catch anything that would normally end up on the outside of you instead of the inside. Yes, they really do have them.

Man with a beard and mustache — Image: AI illustration

Mustaches take daily grooming to look continually smart and polished. Usually, there is the shaving that is required depending upon the type of mustache. There is mustache wax, special brushes, combs, scissors, and even a snood (nets).

Just like women, but not as noticeable, men's faces can sag too and if you have droopy lines around your mouth and would like to cover them up, you can grow a beard or a droopy mustache otherwise known as a Fu Manchu. I haven't found a woman yet who can do this!

There are well over 10 different kinds of mustache styles to choose from and in some parts of the country men have mustache-growing competitions to see just how long and well-groomed mustaches they can grow. There are even fundraising events involved in the macho mustache competitions. You will find special mustache websites for only those with that 'stache and uniquely different clubs selectively for men who have cast their razors to the wind in favor of facial hair. I'm surprised we don't have a mustache union somewhere or mustache carnivals. Why not a mustache hall of fame?

Man with a mustache — Photo: Andrew Poplavsky/Canva

Isn't it funny how we associate some people with their mustaches? Old-time silent film star "Charlie Chaplin" was well known for his toothbrush mustache.British TV-series "Fawlty Towers" had Basil Fawlty's thin mustache. Remember "Gomez" on "The Addams Family?" When we think of these people, we "see" their mustaches.

Stashes aren't for everyone, though. If you are considering a mustache, ask yourself if you are ready for the challenge of upkeep. The daily ritual of clipping and trimming can be time-consuming. On the other hand, if you're going to shave anyway, you might as well put a little creativity and design into your facial personality. Nothing has to be a chore or boring if you have your morning coffee with you. Light a candle and see what you look like under that light. Ask your mate to see what she or he says about your new look. What do you have to lose, except what a shave wouldn’t handle?

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